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User blog:AFriendlyNecromorph/Chapter 3
*"Hello there, my loyal two or three readers! You know who you are! I apologize for my unexpectedly extended absence from the DS Wiki, but AFN is back with an all new episode of DS2:BF, baby! Will this be the end of our heroes' wacky adventures, or the beginning of an even more slightly-hysterically disjointed, albeit convolutedly immature/immaturely convoluted, almost nonsensical story arc? Hell, I'm not even sure exactly what will happen next. I guess you'll just have to ask them instead of me." - AFN Dead Space 2: Break-Fast Chapter Three: It Gets Raunchy Written by AFriendlyNecromorph Ellie: "Isaac, do you think we'll ever see them again?" Isaac: "I kinda hope we don't. At least not until we aren't in a life or death situation." Ellie: "True that." Isaac: "No more distractions, Ellie. We have a job to do." Ellie: "You mean the blo-" Isaac quickly covers Ellie's mouth with his hand. Isaac: "Ellie! Not in front of the children!" Ellie: "What? There can't be that many children reading this on the Dead Space Wiki right now." Isaac: "Do you really wanna take that chance and be forced to apologize for your behavior?" Ellie: "Lol, maybe. Hey, you. Yes, I can see you on the other side of this screen. Isn't it your bedtime? Are you going to cry?" Isaac: "Ellie. . . ." Ellie: "You little wankers. Why don't you suck on my-" Isaac: '''"Ellie!" '''Ellie: "Fine, I'll stop." (Rolls eyes.) Isaac: "Ellie, look! I'm getting a transmission from Bad Guy. Bad Guy: "Yes, it is I. I know it's been a while since we've last talked. Isaac: Looks to Ellie and says, "Yeah, it feels like it's been nearly five months since we've heard from this guy. Ellie: "Lol, inside joke." Bad Guy: "Seriously, this has been dragging on far too long. Will you just get this over with?" Isaac: "I'm working on it. Listen, I'll be there soon. Later." Ellie: "Wait! I'm not finished with you!" Bad Guy: '''"What is it?" '''Ellie: "Would you be a sweetheart and order me some fries, a double cheeseburger, a Philly cheese steak, and a strawberry milkshake? ;)" Bad Guy: "How many places do I have to visit to get all of that stuff?! Do you honestly expect me to make it back alive - with your order?! In case you haven't noticed, there's a Necromorph outbreak in progress!" Ellie: Checking her fingernails, "You'll figure it out." Bad Guy: "Sigh. Fine." Ellie: '"Oh, and one more thing. . . ." '''Bad Guy: '"What?" 'Ellie: '"Super size me. . . . ''Bitch''." Ellie ends the transmission. '''Isaac: "Damn. . . . How did you do that?" Ellie: '"Isaac, I'm a woman. It's what we do." Ellie smirks and winks at Isaac. '''Isaac: '"Wow." Isaac awkwardly covers his crotch with both hands while even more awkwardly meets Ellie's gaze for about a minute and a half. '''Ellie: "You can stop staring now." Isaac: '"Oh, thank God! I thought that would never end!" '''Ellie: '"Who says it has to end?" '''Isaac: "Whoa. Really?" Ellie: '"Haha! Boys. . . . They're just too easy! '''Isaac: '"Do you really have to rub it in?" 'Ellie: '"Yes." '''Isaac: "One-worded response. Nice." Ellie: "Exactly." Isaac: "Awesome." Ellie: "Enough fooling around, Isaac! Isaac? Isaac, are you okay? Isaac, answer me! You're scaring me, Isaac!" Isaac blankly stares at Ellie for a few seconds and then slowly collapses. As he collapses, Ellie catches him and notices that something is sticking out of the side of his neck. "What is this? A dart? Isaac, look at me!" Isaac: '''Isaac mumbles, as he slips in and out of consciousness, "Beh-. . . . y-. . . ." '''Ellie: "What?" Isaac: '''"Ell-. . . . be-. . . ." '''Ellie: "What is it, Isaac? Isaac, stay with me! Wake up, you bastard!" Ellie slaps Isaac as hard as she can, and he wakes up with a look of horror on his face. Isaac: "Ellie. . . . BEHIND YOU!" : Ellie quickly gets up and rears around, only to meet the hollow stare of a grotesquely over-sized creature, its eyes glowing red. Paralyzed with fear, she is unable to do anything as it slowly approaches her. Isaac: Run! Run away!" : Coming out of her state of shock, Ellie quickly lifts Isaac to his feet and throws his arm over her right shoulder, catching his hand with hers, as she tries to walk him to safety. Taking a few more steps, Ellie screams in pain as she too is shot in the neck with a poisonous dart. Ellie: "Gahhh! Shit!" : Ellie stumbles and she and Isaac fall to the ground with a loud thud. Feeling unstoppable, she fervidly lifts Isaac up again and tries to run, to escape - desperately. With her legs giving out, the creature catches up to them and swats Ellie, hitting her like a hammer that's pounding on a nail. The creature knocks her down and immediately lifts her up with its mangled hands, only to throw her across the room and straight into a wall. : A barely conscious Isaac looks up to see that Ellie is hurt. He pulls himself forward, dragging himself closer to Ellie. With a single bated breath, he whispers, "Ellie." Hearing Isaac's call, Ellie too starts crawling - slowly making her way to Isaac. Ignoring the distorted screeches of the creature, Isaac and Ellie continue to crawl toward one another. As the room goes dark, it is illuminated with an ominous red hue, originating from the blinking red lights of Isaac's and Ellie's RIGs. For a split second, they are immobilized with dread as they both begin to hear a voice singing in the distance - singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star". : Hopeless now, they finally make it to comfort each other, their fingertips just barely touching. They look in each others' eyes, and Ellie sees the sheer terror reflected in Isaac's eyes and turns around to face it with her own. The creature stares at Ellie, roars and rears up, slamming her head with it's disfigured hand. Falling into unconsciousness, Ellie manages to whisper one more word as her vision goes black. Ellie: "Isaac. . . ." 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